Dear Jared.

Sorry if my last blog kinda bring you back to the place that you had forgotten where i sometimes am. Troubled place.

Good morning if you are in New York or Los Angeles.

I watched The Outsider at Netflix today.

And then i realised how much i missed you. Your love in particular. You chose someone who is my height in that movie.

I know you have always loved me. Only thing is i myself pushed it away because i can no longer withstand this distance between us. I always knew you loved me.

Maybe i shouldnt talk it anymore because you are always with Valery. I kinda pity her compare to all the girls you had been within this 11 or 12 years or thousands years we had been together as "i dont know what to describe"...

You had been with so many girls that i begin to not trust my feelings of you anymore.

Even though my gut still believe, that if i were to come back as before, you would accept me like nothing has happened. Because you loved me.

No matter how many girls you had been with, none of them can beat me in winning your heart. It was mine. And always will be mine. Whether i am there or not.

Unless you had fallen in love with someone else, then i had loose you for sure.

But i dont feel that. I feel....you are still waiting for me.

And your heart just can't let me go unless we have met, and you found something hateful about me...and then you could let me go.

I havent forgotten your love. I just froze myself from feeling it.

What do you want me to do, Jared? Move on and forget you? Since this relationship is not going anyway?

I have froze my feelings for you.because what is the point?

Have you given up on me?

Do you believe there is no hope for us?

Those fantasies and dreams that i had about meeting you at Venice beach and pier, its pointless if you had given up on me.

Those are not just empty dreams or just fantasies. I really do believe one day it could happened.

That i could go Venice beach and Malibu beach and the pier and we could bump into each other.

But i cannot proceed with my dreams if you have someone by your side.

Give me a reason to believe that there is something here.

Jared, if there is isnt anything more, please announce your relationship with Valery. Because thats mean i can be free.

All the rest before, they did that. They leave me for someone else.

Feeling awful at first but i feel free afterward....to move on and give my love to someone else.

Do i want to give my Love to someone else? For now....No.

Because for now....its yours...it had been since 2008.

Its ok....you can wait until i die, then decide if this is for real or not.

Can you bear it knowing i had died and you didnt get to spend a day with me?

You really believe i am going to live forever, dont you?

You know.....that Love...that you had for me, even if you live a thousand years and meet a million girls, you know you can never meet anyone like me.

You know that,right?

The one and only, Sabariah.

Why am i talking about death? Even though you know i wont do anything stupid. but what they did to me, is making my body dying. My spirit is strong. But my body is not.

So i am afraid, if i might have to go, before we get to meet again. My Love.

Yours sincerely, till the end.

Sabariah 💋